The Healing Power of Being Held: Psychological Benefits of Shibari and Kinbaku
In the realm of psychotherapy, we are continually discovering how embodied experiences can contribute to emotional healing, self-understanding, and resilience. One such practice—often misunderstood but profoundly rich in psychological depth—is shibari, the Japanese art of rope bondage, also known as kinbaku.
While to some it may appear solely as a form of erotic expression, shibari can offer a powerful avenue for therapeutic exploration—particularly for those navigating issues of intimacy, trust, identity, control, and embodiment.
What Is Shibari / Kinbaku?
Shibari ("to tie") and kinbaku ("tight binding") originate from Japan and have developed into a highly nuanced and ritualised practice that combines aesthetics, intention, and connection. More than just a visual art, shibari involves deep interpersonal dynamics between the person tying (the rigger) and the person being tied (the rope bottom or partner).
For many, this experience goes beyond kink or fetish. It becomes a way to engage with vulnerability, presence, and emotional holding in a contained and consensual way.
The Psychological Experience of Being Held
At its core, shibari can replicate—or reimagine—the primal and human need to be held. This physical containment can have profound psychological resonance, especially for those with histories of trauma, abandonment, or attachment wounds.
Some of the therapeutic benefits include:
1. Deepened Trust and Relational Safety
Consent and communication are essential in shibari. For those who have experienced boundary violations in the past, this dynamic offers a rare opportunity to reclaim agency—where every knot is tied only with permission, and every moment is guided by mutual attunement.
Being held in ropes can offer a sense of earned trust, allowing the nervous system to relax in the presence of another. It creates a paradoxical sense of freedom through structure.
2. Mindfulness and Embodiment
The experience of rope—its pressure, texture, and restraint—invites a deep connection to the body. It becomes difficult to dissociate when each sensation demands attention.
This kind of embodied mindfulness can help individuals reconnect with their physical selves, especially if they have spent much of their lives disconnected from or at odds with their bodies. For some, shibari offers a reparative experience of their own physicality: safe, sensual, and grounded.
3. Emotional Catharsis
In a secure setting, the act of surrendering to ropes can lead to emotional release. Tears, laughter, even unexpected memories may surface. This can be similar to somatic therapy or bodywork, where stored tension and trauma find a pathway out of the body.
Importantly, the presence of a trusted other—the rigger—can help co-regulate this release, transforming isolation into connection.
4. Exploration of Power and Control
Many people find healing in consciously exploring themes of control, submission, and vulnerability. When done safely and consensually, these dynamics can help reframe past experiences of powerlessness and reintroduce choice into the equation.
Shibari allows participants to explore these themes in symbolic, embodied ways—where giving up control becomes a chosen, meaningful act rather than something imposed.
5. Aesthetic and Ritual as Healing
The art of shibari is often slow, intentional, and ritualised. This ceremonial quality can feel sacred—a departure from the chaos or unpredictability of trauma or everyday life. There is beauty in being seen, held, and appreciated without needing to perform.
Shibari as a Therapeutic Practice
It is important to note that while shibari can be therapeutic, it is not therapy in itself. However, many therapists who work affirmatively with fetishism, kink, and alternative sexualities recognise the value of integrating these experiences into psychotherapy.
Whether someone is interested in discussing their shibari practice, processing emotional experiences that arise from it, or exploring how it fits into their identity, a sex-positive therapist can provide a non-judgmental space to do so.
Final Thoughts
In a world that often pathologises kink or fetish, it is vital to recognise the deep humanity within these practices. Shibari, in its fullest form, is about connection—both to another and to oneself. It is about being held, not just physically, but emotionally, spiritually, and safely.
For those seeking healing, the ropes can become more than just ties—they can become threads that stitch together fragmented parts of self, offering containment, beauty, and a place to rest.